For almost a year (1 year on June 24) I moved from city life in Missouri to a small town in Mississippi. Since that time I have been looking for purpose and meaning in why I am here. I've been looking for my "Joy in the Journey". I'm not sure that I'm completely in love with it, but day by day I am learning to find joy in each circumstance. There were days when I cried and thought about telling my husband that this move was insanity and we had made a huge mistake. In fact, I think I may have done so.
When we made the decision to move it was on my birthday, November 11, 2009. We came home and told our children and our oldest, our son, was excited, our youngest daughter was excited and our middle daughter...well...to say that she was upset would be an understatement. She honestly felt like we were ruining her life and that we didn't care about her at all. She was going to be 13, so that seemed fair for her to feel that way. After all, our children were all involved in activities. Our son played sports (football, baseball, basketball) and our daughters both danced. Our family lived in Missouri so we would be leaving them too. The decision did not come without tears, prayers, questions and frustrations.
I had a flood of emotions. I was happy. I was sad. I was scared to death. I had a great group of friends through MOMS Club there and I had a second family through the dance studio that my girls danced at. I had friends from church and people I knew from where I worked before I became a Stay-at-Home-Mom. Leaving all of that was going to be a challenge. I kept remembering a song that I sang, as a child, in a musical at church, "Miracle after Miracle." http://www.lillenasmusic.com/nphweb/html/ldol/itempage.jsp?itemId=MB-505&catalogId=LDOL&catSecCd=NA&subCatSecCd=NA&subSubCatSecCd=NA&lid=dsc
There was a line in a song that went like this: "Be content to live in a tent, if that's where God wants you." Now we weren't going to be living in a tent, but I think you get the underlying message. I kept repeating that song in my head, telling myself that I will "go where He sends me". So I arrived in our little town in MS ready to take our new life by storm. HA! Little did I know that the storm would be long, ferocious, and at times very lonely.
Why I thought this was the worst thing we've ever done: (Bear with me here...the point is coming.)
1. Our home in KC never sold. KC is Kansas City. We lived in KC, MO. There is a KC, KS as well, but we did not live there. Confusing, I know. We ended up working with a company to find us renters to live in our house. :( This was not our favorite option. We wanted to sell the house, but for whatever reason it did not sell. See...isn't it beautiful?
2. I miss my brother, my sister-in-law and my nieces. They lived 10 minutes from us there. The girls danced with my girls and they were crazy, those silly girls. :)
Aren't they super cute?!?!
3. I miss our friends.4. I miss having stores like Hobby Lobby, JoAnn, TARGET, Kohl's close-by. Shoot, I miss having a huge shopping mall in my town.
5. I miss our favorite restaurants: La Fuente, Chili's, 54th Street, Smokehouse BBQ, Longhorn Steakhouse, Logan's, Applebee's, and many more.
6. I miss having our kid's friends over almost every weekend and all the crazy things they did.
7. I miss my old town!
BUT...
Are you still with me? Here's the "point" I told you to hang around for...
Even though I miss all of those things, I have to learn to be content with where I'm at!! God has a purpose, a plan. "...For I KNOW the PLANS I have for YOU," declares the Lord, "plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO HARM you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE!" Jeremiah 29:11
You see, He knows why we are where we are, why we are doing what we're doing and all of the things surrounding it. He has every little detail undercontrol. His eye is on the sparrow, so why wouldn't His eye be on ME?! This journey isn't about ME. This journey is about something greater, something bigger, something more wonderful than my mind can comprehend. Something that I can't understand until I walk through the fire - the lonely days - the missing the things that I had that were merely conveniences in my life. The more I focus on what I don't have, the more I am robbing myself of the tremendous plan that God has for ME! God will not take you where His grace can not keep you. He has me on His mind everyday, every moment. Do I have HIM on MY mind that often? Hmmm.
I am finding when I rely on Him, contentment. Philippians 4: 11 says, ""...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Paul was content whether he had plenty or if he was in need. Am I doing the same? Paul was content because he focused on what God wanted him to do, not what he did or didn't have. Sometimes I have to shift my perspective and remember that this isn't about me. It's about what He can do through me to serve Him.
Each day is about finding joy even if it is only in the little things. Sometimes those little things are little. And I mean L-I-T-T-L-E. Like the car line moving smoothly while dropping off/picking up my kids from school. And sometimes those things are HUGE like watching my teenagers draw closer to God, raising their hands in worship, developing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
You see, I can wish for what I had or I can learn to be content. If I go through life always looking for the next best thing or longing for the things that were in my "old life", I'll never grow. A personal walk with Jesus Christ is about growth - change. He doesn't want us to stay where we WERE. He has bigger plans for us than that. When I finally see that He can bring me joy where I am at, I don't have to look for something bigger or better to fill my needs or wants. Joy brings me contentment.
So the one thing that I am learning, little by little, day by day, moment by moment, is to find...Joy in the Journey.
It's hard to always enjoy the journey. I struggle with this too. And it's hard to know exactly why God leads us places that make no sense once we get there. that year I took Nehemiah to L.A. everything lined up so perfect that I was just sure God was going to help Nehemiah be successful there, but I realized that we were not there for Nehemiah. We were there because I needed to grow and learn some things. A lot changed about me back then and I feel since we went there, my life has constantly been growing, where it was stagnant up till that point.
ReplyDeleteI have seen a lot of changed in you since Don went in the hospital but more so since you've been in MS. In the big picture-stores, sports, dance, houses-all of it, it's filler to give us stuff to do while we are on Earth, but our real home is in Heaven and we should spend more time thinking about getting there, than enjoying earthly things. I can see that you are letting go more and more of those things and focusing on what's most important.
That's a huge step as a human being, but an even bigger one as a Christian. :)
I think you are doing a great job enjoying your journey.
Erika, I really do understand how you are feeling. How awesome that God is showing you where your joy is in the midst of hard times. I pray that you and Don are extremely blessed as you live here in MS!
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